Death Wish

Some time in the future, we will inevetiblely look back into the past; browing through pictures and dairy excerpt. This is one of that you probably don`t want to remember. Nobody died. Nor something horribly bad happen. Rather, it was the absence of good things that made the days horribly hard to go by.

I woke up, with very little things to look forward to. In fact, the first thing that I want to do right after I rise, is to go back to bed. Perhaps I might dream of something nice. Any possibility of escape from reality is welcomed. Life have left me devoid of feeling. Or if any, it only left me sadness and frustration. These feelings of course, drown me with a gloomy aura that surrounds me wherever I go. It is very noticable, even someone who spent less than a few minutes with me in person can sense it.

That surely can`t be Alex, people say. Behind the façade of awards and achievements, people from a far, believed I lived a glorious and fullfiling life. Which only means my self propaganda is working. Facebook and Blogger have been a tool so effective in spreading this false perception, its beyond my comprehension. Even when I look back and read about the things I did, I`m fooled , like everyone else. That person is so happy and life seems to be favouring him well. It`s like looking at a person with unending happiness. It`s like a fairy tale. Only problem is, I`m living the reality.

And reality have nothing to do with the awards and achievemetns. There are virtually meaningless except for their physical presense in the form of throphies on my shelfs. It is ironic I have more medals than the number of friends. I can shed tears and not a single soul knew I did. I can go by days without uttering a single word, simply because there are no one to listen to them. Truth is; I would have died in my room and no one will notice. Until perhaps the rotten stench got so unbarable that my housemate will perhaps nudge me to clean up my room.

It is quite a remarkable feat, to start a new day, to be able to get down from the bed, to go to classes, to study for examination, and to continue chasing a pointless path of achievements. Knowing it meant absolutely nothing. Knowing that there is no destination at the end of the road. Living has merely became survival. It became an obligation.

Perhaps, if life were any kinder, I wouldn`t have to wake up at all.

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Diagnosis:

A) Alex is love sick.

B) Alex is stressed due to the final examination.

C) Alex caught a flu.

Ans : C) Alex merely caught of flu. :P



2 comments:

megumi shika 10:42 PM  

i feel so guilty...
hmm..

Aik 6:21 PM  

Is that real? I mean, the whole story sounds so true that I can't believe you merely caught a flu.

I'm sometimes, actually for many times a top student in my area and others always say I'm one with a good brain. Duh...They don't even know the real me. My maths is so terrible, I don't have the guts to speak in a debate (I stammer when it reaches my turn) , and I'm straightforward and always make others see red with my words.

Maybe I'm just lucky to get first or God has helped me throughout the exam to get the right answers. LOL

Anyway, I hope you can be happy always. Life is short, so why not enjoy?

This space is my simple escape from the harsh reality. Expect lots of random rants and whining apart from the daily reporting of things going I`m going through.

Take nothing seriously, leave comments, or just a simple hi. The world is getting smaller by the day, why not know each other now. Have fun ya all.

Regards,
Alex